also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
