you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
