I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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