I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
