i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
