I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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