My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
