Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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