you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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