he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
