whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just pee around me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
