I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
