Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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