I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
