I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
