I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
