i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
