I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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