Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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