I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
