Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
