i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
