Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
