i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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