Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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