he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
