Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
