Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You pole danced in your parka.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
