She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
