Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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