Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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