He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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