We won't sleep together?
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
