This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
