I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
