your parents love me but you hate me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
