I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
