He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
