I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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