pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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