something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
