Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Randomize
