I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
