im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
