if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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