I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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