if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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