he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
