Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
