There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
