It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
