I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
