So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
