her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
