"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you never un-have a 4some
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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