I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
