I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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