i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
