So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
