And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
