I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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