I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
