worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
