I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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