I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
