Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
