are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
