i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
